One of the IPKat's anonymice, having declined to submit an Intellectual Property Anthem by way of an entry for the current competition, has instead sent him (with no apologies to the inspirational and much-imitated Monty Python sketch concerning the Australian philosophers) an Australian Patent Attorneys sketch.
"Bruce#1: G’day everyone, this is a pommie bloke from mother England who’ll be working with us for a while, first I’d like to wish you a warm, 45 degrees in the shade, welcome to the patent department of the University of Walamaloo.
Bruce#2: What's your name cobber?
Bruce#3: What, it's not Bruce?
Brian: Errr, no.
Bruce#2: Crikey, that's gonna be a bit confusing!
Bruce#1: Now Brian, let me introduce you to the other members of the department: this is Bruce who deals with prosecution at the Australian Office, this is Bruce who is our PCT bloke, this is Bruce who heads our litigation team and this is Bruce who is responsible for patent formalities ... and the sheep dip.
Bruce#3: So, mate, what’s your speciality?
Bruce#1: Brian here’ll be in charge of prosecution at the European Patent Office, he specialises in inventions relating to sporting equipment.
Bruce#2: Fair dinkum, as long as he doesn’t draft any claims to cricket kit, we’ll be apples!
[Peels of derisive laughter]
Bruce#3: You’re not a lawyer, are yer mate?
Bruce#2: Good, ‘cos it’s not every day a fella wakes up of a morning to find he’s been admitted to the bar and has no more right to live on God’s clean earth than a rabid dingo with halitosis.
Bruce#1: Now we’re all acquainted, here are the departmental rules:
Rule 1: Nooooo lawyers!
Rule 2: No member of the department is to abuse the paralegals ... [pause]...while anyone's watching
Rule 3: Nooooo lawyers!
Rule 4: No member of the department is to be caught not drinking during working hours.
Rule 5: Nooooo lawyers!
Rule 6: [pause] ……… there is no rule 6
Rule 7: Nooooo lawyers!
Bruce#1: That’s the formalities over with, so let’s give our new friend a traditional Walamaloo welcome:
[Bruces sing IP Anthem to the tune of "Emmanual Kant was a real p*****t, who was very rarely stable"]
The novelty of my claim tree, is really rather shifty
A Latin word that’s quite absurd, can also be quite nifty
A legal maze and techno-haze, obscure until claim fifty
Unity protects, between subjects, inventive and quite thrifty.
The ruling court, should keep it short, avoiding legal parlance
But oft dispose, to be verbose, and lead a merry dance
We’re to the point, don’t disappoint, the broadly claimed expanse
This blessed state, Australia mate, the rest is purely chance.
The reach-through claim is still our aim, never to amend
A nice little format but a b****r to defend!".