IP Pun competition: the winner

The IPKat apologises, as humbly as any Kat can apologise, for the long delay in posting the results of the IP Pun competition (the details of which were announced here, a long time ago, on a post which is so old that it has grown whiskers).  In the event, this was not an easy competition to judge.  Some of the puns submitted were so contrived, so subtle or so erudite that this Kat had to read them several times to satisfy himself that he had actually understood them.  On a couple of occasions, he wasn't sure whether an entrant's comment about a pun was itself the pun that had been entered.  Add to this the facts that there were many entries and that the Kat's ability to absorb and appreciate plays on words is inversely proportionate to the number of puns to which he is exposed at a single sitting, and you can see why this was always going to be a long job.

Here are some of the better entries.

Tom Burt (Abel & Imray) offers what he terms a dreadful effort, adding modestly: "I can truthfully say that it is entirely my own work, and no one else is to blame".

" A: There’s someone at the door, he claims he’s a French bailiff here to gather evidence that you’re infringing someone’s intellectual property rights.  

B: So, saisie [= "So!", says he]" 

Joe Cohen (Collyer Bristow) draws on his professional experience. He writes:

"Some years ago, I acted for the owners of Kentucky Fried Chicken and had to take steps to stop the owner of a small chicken outlet in South London using the name “Ken’s Tuck In Fried Chicken”. I cannot remember the name of the ‘originator’, but I doubt it was Ken!"

Patrick Kane (Secret Fireworks) makes reference to another icon of popular culture, though not one you can eat::

 "The producers of Knight Rider sought an injunction in the High Court today to prevent a manufacturer from producing an action figure and toy car product based upon the series. Lawyers maintained it was a textbook case of passing Hoff." 

Joanne Giesser (DSM) showed that her talents extend beyond the dull and prosaic world of patents and into the vivid arena of drama:

"In my copious spare time when not being a patent lawyer, I design sets and props for Fringe theatre under the name “Intellectual Propery”". 

Scott Kerr (Semple Fraser LLP) threw us a couple of real groaners, with scarcely a word of apology:

"(1) How can you obtain IP protection for leather? Isn't the patent obvious? (2) Is Starbucks a trade mark or a coffee right?" 

Lisa Stiff (IP Co-ordinator Morgan Lloyd Administration Limited) opted for a more visual wordplay. To her credit, she does describe her effort as "pretty terrible"::

"Says one trade mark attorney to another: ‘Oh look! OHIM have changed the CTM online application process so that the alphabetical list is automatically added to the specification if you want it to be. That’ll save time!’ Second TM attorney: ‘How Nice’".

The irrepressible Sally Cooper is never going to be kept out of the action.  She asks:

"Have you heard about the Trade mark attorney and the percussionist who loved the clashing of [symbols / cymbals]?   Or about the hairdresser with a business called InFringe and her friend the (very new) trainee who wonders whether Absolute Grounds and Relative Grounds might be different strengths of coffee? Not to mention the trade mark attorney and the nail-technician who were talking over their filings ...?"

"I hope the other entries are better than these", Sally concluded.  We did too ...

Peter Smith (Serjeants) displayed a spot of culture and erudition:

"I refer you to the patent attorney who wanted to call Marat, the Emperor Maximilian and Saint Sebastian as expert witnesses ... on the ground that they were all persons killed in the art". 

Eddie Cameron (Zec Music Ltd) came up with various lines of which this was the best:

"Mrs Justice Proudman: butter wouldn't Meltwater in her mouth"

So which is the winner? None of the above.  For sheer good-humoured cheek, the prize goes to none other than Andrew Robinson (Pirate Party UK):

"Sorry for not submitting any particularly hilarious entries to this competition, but I've been busy dealing with a burglary at home. All my kitchen worktops were stolen last week. The police have said I might be the victim of counter fitters".

With a delicious twist of ambivalence, Andrew first confesses that he did not originate this line but lifted it -- then very properly recognised the imperative respecting the moral right of authorship by crediting it to b3ta user Grampa. Well done, Andrew, a copy of the 6th and latest edition of the Butterworths E-Commerce and Information Technology Law Handbook, edited by this Kat, will shortly be on its way to you -- unless you beg us to send it elsewhere!  It's worth It costs £155 new from the publisher, so it must be of some value ...