Forget Jurassic Park -- here comes the Tyranno-Suar

Uruguay soccer star Luis Suárez currently earns £200,000 a week as a Liverpool FC football player (that's US$339,000 or 249,000 uro). In addition, his sponsorship deals (most recently with 888 Poker) are believed to bring in a not inconsiderable sum.  By now, almost everyone on the planet is likely to have heard that this talented man has a great appetite for football but that, alas, his appetite does not stop there. He now faces disciplinary proceedings in the FIFA World Cup after biting Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini yesterday. There is speculation that sportswear and equipment brand adidas may not be thrilled by this news, having already cautioned their star for taking a nibble at Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic last year.

Suarez and his All-Bran
Merpel, reading about how much Suarez earns and how utterly corrupt FIFA appears to be (her recent online search of FIFA + corruption yielded over 24 million hits), wonders whether this little spat might be easily resolved between the footballer and the organisers.  It shouldn't be difficult to exonerate this bankable individual and make sure that charges of professional misconduct are brought instead against Chiellini for (i) displaying an edible shoulder in the course of play and (ii) wearing toothmarks that have not been approved by the World Cup's official sponsors.  She notes, by the by, that an expression which is frequently used by sports commentators, when observing the writhings and apparent death-throes of fit and healthy athletes who have been inadvertently tapped on the ankle by a member of the opposing team is that the latter are "making a meal of it". How strange it is to think of this expression being more apt to describe the activities of the aggressor than the victim.

This Kat is more interested in Suarez's potential as a marketing asset even in the event that he is reprimanded by FIFA and loses his existing sponsors. He notices that the words TYRANNO-SUAR and TYRANNO-SUAREZ do not yet appear to be registered as trade marks on any of the registers he has perused.  He also speculates over the possibility of coming up with some attractive and potentially IP-protectable slogans to go with Suarez's commercial activities (eg "Put more bite into your product"). Which brands might now positively seek out this cheerful, good-looking piranha player on account of his reputation? Readers: over to you!
Forget Jurassic Park -- here comes the Tyranno-Suar Forget Jurassic Park -- here comes the Tyranno-Suar Reviewed by Jeremy on Wednesday, June 25, 2014 Rating: 5


  1. I'm sure Peter Jackson could fit The Mouth of Suaron into the as-yet unreleased third episode of "The Hobbit".

  2. I'd imagine that the Swiss company Straumann, one of the world's biggest manufacturers of dental implants, would be MOST interested. Think of the possibilities - special reinforced Premier League biting choppers. Suarez would never again need to hold his teeth in pain after a nosh.

  3. Opportunism. This is the most favorable word I can find to justify this piece on ipkat. The link of Suarez-money-sponsorship-sponsor-brand-TM/IP, is not even tenuous.

    The man is not merely talented. He is a footballing genius. He should be/and will be punished accordingly for his actions.

    Biting, however, is not merely a sign of over-aggression, but clearly there is an underlying psychological problem with Suarez. His behavior cannot be excused, but is maybe something he knowingly struggles to control. I'm sure we will see TV interviews with specialists over the coming weeks. Like Gazza, I would rather see Suarez helped than vilified.

    With such geniuses there is always some problem in the background. If anyone thinks they are a genius, but doesn't have a problem, then you are probably not a genius.

    Re: Salary. Irrelevant, but he earns his keep in relative terms. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said for many in the IP profession.

  4. Seems an obvious candidate for promoting Shreddies, under the old slogan "keeps hunger locked up til lunch"......

  5. Here's an overview of a few brands that have already taken up that challenge:


All comments must be moderated by a member of the IPKat team before they appear on the blog. Comments will not be allowed if the contravene the IPKat policy that readers' comments should not be obscene or defamatory; they should not consist of ad hominem attacks on members of the blog team or other comment-posters and they should make a constructive contribution to the discussion of the post on which they purport to comment.

It is also the IPKat policy that comments should not be made completely anonymously, and users should use a consistent name or pseudonym (which should not itself be defamatory or obscene, or that of another real person), either in the "identity" field, or at the beginning of the comment. Current practice is to, however, allow a limited number of comments that contravene this policy, provided that the comment has a high degree of relevance and the comment chain does not become too difficult to follow.

Learn more here:

Powered by Blogger.